Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
