I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
