i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
