he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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