I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
