we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
