omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize