It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
