that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
