Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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