That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
