Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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