This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
