i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
