I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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