I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
