Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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