No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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