I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just gargled with NyQuil
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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