i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
