I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize