Don't make out with my wife yet
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize