I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
