it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
