I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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