she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize