I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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