I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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