The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
