the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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