So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
