So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
