Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
