All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
