She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Randomize
