this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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