it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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