Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
