he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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