got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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