some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
