so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
