im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
