I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
