He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
