I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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