You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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