I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
