Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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