i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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