Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
