I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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