Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
