I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
