I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
