your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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