Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
