I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
