Are we in a gay sports bar?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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