hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
