TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize
