I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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