I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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