Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
