just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
