I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
