I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
