Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
