he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Green mimosas i think yes
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize