I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
