a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
