I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
