Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
