I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
