So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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