I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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