Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
