if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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