Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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