I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My dick has a subreddit
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize