I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
