Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
