you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
