In the future we'll all be gay
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
