I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
