So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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