I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize