I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
