If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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