I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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