Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
