if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
