I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
