Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
