I wannas sexs uuuuu
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize