saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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