dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
God, I missed his penis.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
