so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
