I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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