i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
