Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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