her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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