apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
