i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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