Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
