somebody snuck up and got me drunk
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
be right there i have to get my cape
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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