oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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