Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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