I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
