I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize