I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
