I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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