I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
