im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
