I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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