I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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